Sunday, October 11, 2015

How My Parent's Marriage Has Blessed My Marriage

When I was younger, I had a childish dreams, I would daydream often of my goals in life. I wanted to be a football star, be a doctor, be a scientist, any great thing in life, I wanted to be. As I got older, I worked towards all of my goals, I faced some challenges like everyone else, therefore, I'm not the president, I didn't play soccer for Manchester United, I didn't win the world cup, I didn't invent any spaceships yet, so as you can see, some of my goals didn't see the light of day, but, I didn't give up, I set new ones on top of the unachievable ones. Most importantly, I wanted to be like my Dad.

In all, in all sincerity, my greatest met goal is my marriage. The blessings of this marriage has become possible through prayer on bended knees by a lot of people. See, I didn't get here alone. Let me tell you how. I got here. To give you an idea, I got here out of the love my parents showed me as a child.

As a child I saw the beauty of marriage. My parents, so agile, fashionable, career oriented, and proud. I also saw the challenges my parents marriage faced as a young couple. At a younger age, I learned from them, I adapted to their style of parenting, and as I got older I questioned the rationale behind my parents style of parenting. I write this today, a few weeks before they celebrate another milestone in their marriage, a testament that something worked for them, their love and commitment chemistry survived in the lab of life.

There were no resources for them to reflect on the upbringing of a child as compared to today. With technology, and availability of science and research, the parents of today can reflect, review, even take a class these days; but in 1980, in Ghana, I don't think we were there yet.  But they developed their own, they did so by adding from what they had learned from their upbringing and what they thought was good for them/us. I thinks it has paid off well, maybe that's why I'm writing about it, I'm proud of them, I love them, I thank them, and sincerely adore them.

So how did they make it work?
As the first child, I saw the gradual growth of both my parents, how they dealt with challenges, and how they brought us all together. From the coal pot to the gas stove to the electric stove; the black and white TV to the Peugeot 504 .  Looking from my child's eye, they succeeded by putting each other first. The did the simple humane things to make their marriage and parenting work : they respected each other, cared for each other, provided for us all, spent time with the us, always complimented us, disciplined us, cared for their extended families as well, respected others irrespective of who they are or where they come from. So they were well respected in our community. This made me feel proud, confident and most importantly, Loved.

So when I set my goals at a younger age, I wanted to be like them. I wanted to go to work each day, wear a tie, have a briefcase, drive a nice car, and come back home to my family. I liked them so much that, I would brag about them to my friends as a child, I felt like it was the coolest thing. I loved going home from school. Actually, I looked forward to going home from school from  the time I get  to school. Waking up early was tedious,  and long morning were tough for 6 year olds you know, but lunch time was the best, we played football and ate Jollof rice ; I'll talk about that later. I'm going of track here. I looked forward to going home because, on my way from school, I'd stop by my father's office, he'd show me of to his co-workers, even though they all knew me, so I loved stoping by with my friends. I liked showing them my father's car and his nice office.  I'm not sure if he remembers, but a couple times i stopped by and i had his socks on, yeah I know, I couldn't find mine, the jokes were on me.

After stopping by my father's office, within 30 minutes of walking home with friends, with  numerous other stopovers, I'd get home and smell mum's Banku and Okra Soup, Yes!

I cherish these moments so much, and I know I can write over and over about how much fun I had as a child, all because my parents stayed committed to each other to love a family they had created. They gave us countless opportunities to excel, and I'm forever grateful. Each day they get older, each day I wish I could fetch them a star. I don't get to see them as often as I would like, but I'm working on it. As they reach more milestones in life, my love for them grows, I thank God for them, and I know they will be reading this, so mum, dad, I hope I've made you proud, thats a childish dream I never gave up on, I love you.

Your son,
Dennis.